The day passed without anything of merit happening.

I worked. I slept. I made love with a young man whom I enjoy having around.

I remembered before the day came and I remember now as well.

The day just passed.

But it was beautiful, and I spent it outdoors in the mountains - someplace I almost never go - communing with the beautiful fucking world that is nature. I guess some part of me remembered after all.

The day passed as well as it could.

( Camp Trans 2008 )

Sigh.

If wishes were brains.

so today i experimented with making something random for light healthsome snack time.

and i succeeded!

pizzadillas!

two white tortillas. spread tomato sauce (or barbecue sauce if you like that) around the entire topside of one, then add a good amount of mozarella cheese. then tomato sauce the underside of the the other tortilla and place it on top so the two saucey sides are sandwiched together. then spread tomato sauce on the very top of the tortilla sandwich thinger, but leave an unsauced perimeter, and add more mozzarella cheese. the sauce should not be too thick and should be thin enough that it is almost-but-not-quite souplike, but spread on a little heavy like. i actually prefer to use the left over tomato soup from the sarmi recipe i make often. microwave for two and a half to three minutes. eat with fork and knife. delicious cheesie goodness. and a (relatively) healthier alternative to actual pizza. i imagine you could also put stuff like peppers or pepperonis or other topping like stuff on the inside for extra more goodness. for the barbecue sauce type of pizzadilla thinger i would recommend adding a small amount of cheddar on top of the mozzarella as well as some (pre-browned) ground beef.

nummers.

i have a new favorite snack slash light meal thinger.

So... Everyone is posting all these celebratory entries about the death of Jesse Helms and all of that. I would love to join in the festivities but then again I am one of those people who believes in not speaking ill of the dead, or at the very least not celebrating the end of a life which cannot itself be celebrated. I guess I believe a little too much in the notion that the spark of inspiration, the divine light, exists in every person. He may not have embraced that light and he certainly may not have used it to further illuminate the world in which we live, but that light is further snuffed for now with his death. So instead of writing whimsical little poems celebrating the end of a life (and really such things seem to me to be counter to an ethic of non-violence for some reason) here is my sincere hope that he gets it right and displays true light for all the world to see the next time around. May ignorance be dispelled as darkness before illumination.

Blessings be on the Dead that are;
Blessings be on the Dead that know.
We remember those unmet and yet not unloved.
May you return safely to that infinite short at nights ending,
And find peace in the dissolution of the pleroma.

- Hallows Prayer, Father Jordan Stratford

In just a few weeks I will hopefully be making my way down to Phoenix for some good times at this gaming convention the roleplaying organization I am part of is having. It has been a long time since I have played in any Camarilla games at all and I am all kinds of excited to be getting back into the swing of things. I have a real great character in the new Changeling venue and hopefully I will come up with something just as great for Requiem soon. But more exciting than characters and games is the opportunity to see friends who I have not seen in several years. I have missed them all so much and it will be nice to see the loved ones who have known since way back in the days before everything else. Though if I want to get there at all I am going to have to hustle my way into some serious money like I have never hustled before. I have nothing in the bank right now and beyond that I have a $450 payment due in just a few days and on top of that the hotel costs and registration costs for the convention come out to just a little bit under $300 and the convention is only in two weeks. This is excluding the cost of travel which commes out to about $250 if I go by bus and who knows what if I drive on my own. So it comes down to me needing to make about $1000 in just under two weeks, one week in an ideal world. Now if I really knuckle down I should be able to drum it all up but I am going to be one stressed muffin in the meantime, let me tell you what.

But it is worth it to spend a weekend with people I love so here goes.

Reading Lemming from Darcydodo and such.

The Big Read thinks the average adult has only read six of the top 100 books they've printed, listed below.

01. Bold the books you have read
02. Italicise those you intend to read
03. Underline the books you've seen a film version of
04. Place books that you have started but never finished in round brackets
05. Place books that you read in school in square brackets

( Book List )

28/100 read? Not so bad I suppose. Back to Etgar Keret for me, though.

Began writing for what I think will be the most brilliant (in the luminous sense) and stupid and meaningful and stupid and radiant and stupid and beautiful piece of performative writing that I have ever written. It is going to sadden the hell out of people though, but I think it will also make them laugh and will only make them sad in the way that feels real good after you have time to sit down and think about it.

I am calling it Something Stupid? and Beautiful :)

Yes, the smiling face is part of the title. Though it is not an emoticon smiley. Just a normal smiley in a circle kind of smiling face.

Also today a very dear friend told me that she could not imagine the world without me in it.

That made me happy.

It is moments like that which remind me that just checking out is a non-option.

I love that girl.

Which is something I could say about everyone in my life right now.

Except for the boys and the genderqueers.

In which case I would say I love that boy or I love that person whose gender is likely the product of years of experience and inner debate and should therefore be approached with love and respect for the magnificent experience that it is or something like that.

Heh.

I made a gender funny.

Goddamn I get maudlin when I drink.

What the hell.

If you are someone who once thought I was awesome but now think that I am somewhat less than great, please tell me why because I need to know these things. Even if you cannot be bothered to explain these things. I need to know. Because really I hate losing friends. I feel like I am losing you and the last thing I want is to lose you. So please tell me. You know who you are and I love you.

Through the Roof and Underground, Gogol Bordello:

When there's a trap set up for you
In every corner of this town
And so you learn the only way to go is underground
When there's a trap set up for you
In every corner of your room
And so you learn the only way to go is through the roof

Ooohoohoooh through the roof, underground

And as we're crossing border after border
We realize that difference is none
It's underdogs who, and if you want it
You always have to make your own fun

And as the upperdog leisurely sighing
The local cultures are dying and dying
The programmed robots are buying and buying
And a psycho load of freaks they are still trying trying

Ooohoohoooh through the roof, underground

And as the boy scouts learn to read between the lines
The silver rabbits hop between their fathers' lies
And boy scouts ask "Where? Where do they go?"
They go to the country that they only know

Just like their meanings they lay between the lines
Between the borders their real countries hide
The strategigo's saw their advertise
Their strategy of being is one of in-your-face disguise

Ooohoohoooh through the roof, underground!

And when their own walls they will a-crumble,
And all the systems will be discumbumbled,
Around the stump of bigotry, our own

Ooohoohoooh through the roof, underground
Ooohoohoooh through the roof, and underground
Ooohoohoooh through the roof, underground
Ooohoohoooh through the roof! Underground!

Through the roof! And underground!
Through the roof! Underground!